Consequences
by OzGeek
Summary: Jimmy and Michelle find they are expecting a little suprise. Written for the NFA "And Baby Makes Three" challenge. After the first chapter, I'll rip out the other 5 chapters as fast as I can. All done.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - A surprise call**

Jimmy looked up hopefully from his computer as the Autopsy phone rang. It had been a quiet week and, although he never wished brutal murder on anyone, right now anything was better than stocktaking. Unfortunately Ducky was closer to the phone and Jimmy could have sworn the old ME shot him a smirk of satisfaction at being first to answer the call. Jimmy saw Ducky's shoulders slump as he spoke: apparently all Navy personal were staying stubbornly alive today.

"I'll be right up," Ducky sighed, hanging up the phone. "You know, Mr Palmer," he mused, "one of these days, people in this building are going to realise that I am a Federal Medical Examiner, not their personal physician. Someone faints in Legal and it's 'let's get Ducky up here'."

"Legal?" Jimmy asked hesitatingly. Since he had started seeing Michelle, he had found many varied reasons to visit the Legal department and had got to know most of the staff quite well. "Who was it?"

"Agent Lee, apparently," said Ducky absently, picking up his battered doctor's bag. "I'll be back momentarily…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Palmer was off his chair and had snatched the bag from his startled grasp.

"I'll do it," he called, disappearing out the door.

Ducky followed with a bemused air and observed Jimmy stabbing the elevator button repeatedly. "Is there anything you feel you ought to tell me, Mr Palmer?" he inquired.

"Not really," Jimmy cringed, watching the descending numbers impatiently. "Oh forget this, I'll take the stairs."

No sooner had Jimmy disappeared from view than the elevator arrived, opening its doors invitingly to Ducky. "Why not?" he thought and climbed on board.

Ducky arrived at Legal just in time to watch Palmer burst through the stairwell door, pause, catch his breath and adopt a more profession demeanour. Striding past with more haste than the urgency of the situation warranted towards the small group in Legal surrounding the fallen Miss Lee, Palmer didn't even register Ducky shadowing him.

When he arrived on the scene, Ducky parked himself against a convenient partition and watched proceedings unfold.

Jimmy was squatting at Agent Lee's side. "You OK?" he asked.

Ducky smiled knowingly. There was more sympathy and tenderness in that question that he thought possible from his young protégée for a mere colleague. His suspicions were confirmed – and now he could return that pile of undergarments.

"I'm fine," she assured him, her voice so quiet that Ducky had to almost give away his position to detect it.

"I'll take your blood pressure," Palmer said. "Still feeling dizzy?"

"Yes, really light headed, even lying here."

Palmer frowned as he waited for the monitor to read. "You haven't been sick or anything, have you?" It started as a statement and ended as a question.

"I've been a little nauseous the last couple of days."

Slowly, Palmer froze. "You don't think?"

Agent Lee's expression transformed into one of fear. "Oh, Jimmy," she breathed.

Palmer took a shaky breath. "There's no need to worry right now. It could just be the flu." It was unclear who he was trying to calm with his monologue. "Yes – the flu…." Now it was almost a prayer.

Ducky noticed Palmer, himself, was starting to compete in pallor with his patient. As he watched, Palmer shifted from squatting to crouching to all fours.

"I think, I'll join you," he said lightly to Agent Lee before rolling gently onto his back beside her.

Ducky decided it was time to intervene. "What are you doing, Mr Palmer?" he inquired.

"Ah, empathising with my patient."

"Not a tactic usually employed by people in the Medical Examination field," Ducky observed. He turned his attention to Agent Lee. "How are you feeling?"

Jimmy answered immediately. "A little light-headed but I'll be fine in a moment."

Both Ducky and Agent Lee turned to look at him.

"Ah, sorry," he blanched.

"I was going to ask Mr Palmer to drive you to the infirmary," Ducky continued.

"I'm feeling a lot better now, thanks doctor," Michelle replied.

"Then perhaps you could drive him, he's still looking a little peaked. In any case, we might just get you down to Autopsy for a quick check up."

* * *

Author note: my plan on this one is to put the first chapter up for a little bit so it stays on the new story list then pour out the other 5 chapters all at once, or as fast as I can edit then post.


	2. A testing Time

**Author note: **minor season 5 spoiler - there is a dog named Jethro in season 5.

* * *

**Chapter 2 - A testing time**

"Where do you want me Doctor?" asked Agent Lee as they entered Autopsy.

"Anywhere you like, my dear" said Ducky, dumping his doctor's bag on the nearest desk. "I'm not going to be here."

"You're not?"

"Certainly not," Ducky confirmed. "You two have some talking to do." With that, Ducky turned and left.

Jimmy and Michelle watched the door swish close in silence. The moment it sealed, Michelle turned to Jimmy and said: "I'm late"

Jimmy winced. "You don't mean 'late' as in everyone else in this room, do you?"

"No: I mean like two weeks late."

"Have you, um, taken a test?"

"Well, no. At first I thought it was stress and then it still didn't come and then I was more stressed so I thought it was still stress and …."

"Stop right there," said Jimmy holding up a finger and backing away from her. "I have a test here somewhere. It's in the bag." He ripped open Ducky's medical bag and rifled through it, showering the room with equipment and medicines. Finally he held up a white stick.

Michelle looked at him in trepidation but did not move.

"You, ah, have to urinate on it," Jimmy explained handing it to her.

"I know what to do with it," she said.

"Um, do you think you could try to, you know, like try now?"

Michelle frowned at the stick and took it from his hands. "Maybe." Carrying the stick before her like an Olympic flame, she walked out of Autopsy almost in a trance.

"Do you want me to come?" Jimmy called after her. "No, that would be silly," he told himself. "I'll be right here," he tried again, but Michelle had disappeared from view.

Jimmy was pacing the floor when the door swished open again heralding Michelle's return. She was holding the stick in exactly the same configuration as when he last saw her.

"Did you, um, get it?"

"Oh yes," she confirmed ominously. Slowly she turned the stick to face him revealing two glaring blue lines.

Jimmy stopped pacing and collapsed onto a chair. "My mother's going to kill me."

"Oh, no," Michelle assured him. "My mother won't leave anything for your mother to kill." She sat on a wheeled chair and rolled along the floor to join him. "What are we going to do, Jimmy?"

"Not tell out parents."

"They might figure it out eventually."

"Well, what do you want to do?" He stared into her large almond eyes and saw not panic but determination.

"Let's do it," she said.

Jimmy was confused, "I thought we already did it."

"Let's have the baby," she said with only a hint of exasperation. "Do you love me?"

She had never come straight out and asked him. In fact, there had never really been much time at all for talking what with all the lusting.

"Sure," he said finally. "And…you?"

"I can't keep my hands off you." Then she smiled wickedly. "You know Ducky probably won't be back for ages."

"First," said Palmer. "I need to do this." He fell from his chair to one knee causing the chair to roll halfway across the room. "Will you marry me?"

"Are you sure about this?"

Jimmy's heart started pounding in his throat: that wasn't the traditional response. "Yes," he said with certainty. "Do you want to be with anyone else?"

"No."

"Neither do I, so let's make it official."

There was an awful moment there when he was sure she was going to make him wait, but then she smiled.

"OK," She said. "I'm in: husband, wife and baby – the whole picture."

"Aren't you supposed to have a ring?" asked Ducky nonchalantly as he walked back into the room.

"Um, yes, I suppose so. I just wasn't that prepared for….what are you doing Doctor?"

Ducky looked up from the drawer he was ferreting about in and held up a ring. "Jethro's: from wife number two, I believe – or was it three? In any case, it was a priceless family heirloom. She tried to ram it down his throat and got rather further than I would have thought possible. I had to extract it from his – well never mind. The point is that neither of them wanted it back but the Scot in me couldn't bear to throw away a perfectly good ring."

"Jethro?" asked Palmer, confused. "The dog had a wife?"

Ducky looked at Agent Lee long and hard. "Are you sure you want to live with that for the rest of your life?"

"Yes, I think I can handle him." She held the ring up to the light and examined it thoroughly. "This is a good ring, very expensive," she concluded.

"I was sort of hoping to get you one…" Jimmy started.

"You want my parents to like you?"

Jimmy nodded enthusiastically.

"Use this ring."

"Ok then."

"Oh and when my mother asks: you're a doctor."

"But I'm not really a …"

"No, a specialist. Just don't tell her what in."


	3. Lies and Statistics

**Chapter 3 - Lies and statistics**

"How did this happen?" asked Jimmy, pacing the floor again.

"I'm assuming it wasn't Immaculate Conception," Ducky replied casually, looking over his notes.

Jimmy stopped pacing to stare at the older man. "Ah no: it happened in the usual way."

"Using one of the standard contraceptive methods?" Ducky inquired.

"Yes." Jimmy felt just a tad uncomfortable discussing the specifics of his love life with an ageing bachelor who still lived with his mother.

"Well there's your problem," Ducky concluded. "The two most common forms of contraception are: the pill which is 97 percent effective and condoms which are only 88 percent. That's apart from abstinence, of course, which, due to the vanishingly small occurrences of Immaculate Conception, is almost 100 percent effective. "

"You're right: you can't beat statistics," Palmer acknowledged. "A couple of months and you're doomed."

Ducky raised an eyebrow at the mathematical implications but said nothing.

"I'm meeting her parents tonight," Jimmy fretted. "They have a house full of knives."

"Well, if Miss Lee inherited their aim, you have nothing to worry about."

"They might be aiming at her."

"Ah, I see your point."

"I just don't want to see theirs.

"Look," Ducky halted him. "You are a perfectly eligible young bachelor – gainfully employed and college educated. What more could they want?"

"Someone who didn't get their daughter pregnant."

"That's a valid argument," Ducky conceded. "How did your mother take it?"

"Well….I sent her an email."

Ducky hid a smirk. "How very personable of you. Did she reply?"

"Well…"

"Yes?"

"Have you seen that scene in Harry Potter when Ron gets in trouble and his mother sends that letter that screams at him then blows a raspberry?"

"That bad, eh," Ducky chuckled.

"That was a love letter compared to what my mother sent. Who knew she even knew how to embed AV files in her emails?"

"Oh well, she'll get over it when she realises she's going to be a grandmother."

"She's already a grandmother – and that one is to a nice couple who followed all the rules and got married first."

"Oh, you can never have too many grandchildren. They're like a geriatric status symbol. Long after they've finished regaling you with stories of rampant incontinence, they'll still be showing you pictures of their grandchildren. There's a whole class structure based on the number of grandchildren one has – just ask my mother. No don't, she'll be at me again."

"You really think she'll come around?"

"Oh yes. When it comes down to it, it's partly her genetic material getting another stab at life. We're all egotistical enough to find merit in that."

"I guess."

"Bedsides, you can always point out that this is the way you were raised and so it's really all her fault."

"Um, I'm not sure that will stop her from killing me."

"Don't worry," Michelle chimed in. "I told you: my parents won't leave anything for her. Coming?"


	4. To the slaughter

Chapter 4 - To the slaughter

Michelle shot Jimmy an encouraging smile before ringing her parent's doorbell authoritatively. The door sprung open immediately, giving Jimmy the distinct impression that her parents had been waiting there: watching out the window and judging him.

Michelle's mother was shorter than she was, not a claim that could be made by many, but more squat in stature. He suddenly remember the old adage: if you want to see what your wife will look like when she's old, look at her mother. Her father, however, was leaner and it was here, he realised, Michelle had gained her looks. He was quiet and reserved – Jimmy pegged him as his best chance of gaining a reprieve.

"Mum, Dad," Michelle started. "This is Jimmy."

The old woman's eyes scanned him like an NCIS biometric device. He was sure his very DNA was now stored somewhere in her memory banks.

"Welcome," she said finally. "Come in."

Jimmy's nerves tightened as he entered the two storey house. By his personal standards, it was a mansion with ornate 10 ft ceilings hung with heavy chandlers. Despite that, it had an air of age about it: as though nothing had been disturbed for a long time. Perhaps they had inherited it from a distant relative. He wondered what they would think of the small 10th floor apartment where he grew up.

He paused at the knife decorated study just off the main entrance. Was that a bar in there? He could have sworn he had seen a bottle. As Michelle tugged him relentlessly towards his impending doom, he noticed the furniture was all redwood and the upholstery uniformly wrapped snugly in plastic.

"Don't ask about the plastic," Michelle warned as he opened his mouth to do just that.

He shut his mouth again and found they had stopped face to face with his executioners in a large rambling kitchen. Dinner preparations were clearly underway on a giant bench. From the look of the finely sliced and diced meat and the enormous cleaver, no one was squeamish. He began to worry – the cleaver had already tasted blood.

"We eat in there," Michelle's mother inclined her head towards a bi-fold door. "But here, we create." She handed out cooking implements and the four of them continued the dinner preparations together.

Half an hour later, Jimmy was leaning over the plastic coated upholstery setting the enormous redwood dinning table with Michelle. He gave thanks that he was proficient with chopsticks because he didn't think these folk would be the forgiving kind if he asked for a fork.

"Is it going, OK," he asked Michelle, sotto voice.

"Definitely."

"How can you tell?"

"She told me to put out the family crockery – you know the everyday stuff. If she hated you, you'd get the good stuff."

"Maybe she just thinks I'm clumsy."

* * *

Dinner was a magnificent feast with ornate serving platters heaped with mountains of food. Michelle's parents sat either end of the table like ominous bookends, blocking both possible escape routes. Michelle and Jimmy were seated at the table's epicentre: directly opposite each other in the middle of the table.

"Eat, eat," demanded Michelle's mother. "I will be greatly offended if there is anything but sauce left on these plates."

"No problem," Jimmy said, hurriedly grabbing his bowl and picking three chicken feet from the nearest serving plate.

"What are you doing," Michelle hissed.

Jimmy looked up guiltily, a chicken foot in his hand. "I already have a right and a left," he whispered hoarsely.

"So?"

"This is another right – I'm going to need another bowl."

"Jimmy!"

"Sorry: habit." He stuffed the chicken feet in his mouth in quick succession and went for the stir-fry: much safer.

"So what do you do for a living, Jimmy," Michelle's mother interrogated.

Jimmy swallowed hard and sent Michelle a panicked look – there it was: the question. Michelle's instructions rang clearly in his head, 'Don't say Medical examiner - it might freak them out, but still impress them'. He knew the rules: 'Doctor' was good, 'specialist' was better. He had prepared himself with the term 'forensics specialist doctor'. He was ready: ready to impress her parents so much that they would completely disregard the fact that he had inadvertently impregnated their precious daughter.

"I'm just finishing a medical degree…"

"He's a specialist," Michelle chimed in.

"In?"

"For.."

"..nication," Michelle completed hastily.

Jimmy and Michelle stared at each other in horrified silence.

"I can't imagine there are many people in that line of work."

"No, I'm not it's just …."

"You can say Medical Examiner," said her mother, they're not swear words.

"How did you know?"

"You've started to construct a pig out of my stir-fry."

Jimmy looked down at his bowl. He had, in fact, started at the corner piece and was slowly and methodically reconstructing the original animal. "Oh."

"I also spotted the indentation of a ring on Michelle's finger when she walked in."

Jimmy tried hard to breathe normally. "That's very, ah, perceptive of you," he said slowly.

"Let's see it."

Guiltily, Michelle slid the ring out of her pocket and handed it over for appraisal. Her mother fiddled around for reading glasses then held the ring up to the light to examine it.

"Hmm," she said approvingly. "This is an old ring – family heirloom. Does it have a history?"

"You could say that," Jimmy hedged.

"Good." With a nod of approval, she handed the ring back to Michelle. "One must respect history. We have the champagne on ice in the study."

"Mum!"

"None for you young lady," scolded Mrs Lee. "It's not good for the baby."

Michelle chocked on something as she slid the ring back on her finger. "What makes you think…" she coughed.

"Oh, please. The very sight of tofu is making you nauseous. I had the same problem when I was pregnant with you."

Michelle blushed deep red. "You…don't mind?"

"Bah!" her mother scolded. "You kids think you are the first to do everything. Have you ever checked your birth certificate against our marriage certificate?"

"What!"

"We used to do it everywhere," Michelle's father reminisced with a chuckle. "Even at work when everyone else had gone home."

"Dad!"

Michelle clamped her hands over here ears and sang "la la la la" while her parents laughed conspiratorially. Jimmy half expected them to excuse themselves and race upstairs. Well, he reflected, it could have gone much worse.


	5. Welcome to your life

Chapter 5 - Welcome to your world

Jimmy was just packing up for the night when Michelle bounded in looking more pregnant that he last remembered – and that was this morning.

"I need your advice on some wedding things," she said.

"Sure."

"Five dresses or six?"

"What?"

"I need changes of clothing for the wedding – at least five."

"Why?"

"Tradition. Let's make it seven."

"Do you need seven sets of matching shoes?"

Michelle looked at him sharply. "You can play later; these outfits are ones you only get to see on the day."

Jimmy pouted playfully but Michelle was already off on another topic. "The banquet for the reception: we've gone for 10 courses. Mum really loves the shark fin soup but I find it a bit oily – what do you think?"

"What is there, like, a fin circling?"

Michelle took a moment to stare at him incredulously. "What about crab claw? I can probably talk her out of one or the other but not both."

"Why?"

"Tradition."

"Oh."

"Either way, we're having Jellyfish – it's the family specialty. My uncle is a Jellyfish Master, it takes him a month to prepare so we have to give him plenty of time. "

"Jellyfish Master? Like, 'may the fish be with you?' "

"Don't go there, it will be a big hit - I guarantee it. Did I mention you have to drink a toast at each table with my father?"

"What! No – why?"

"Tradition."

"I'm guessing not chocolate martinis."

"Not even close."

"How many tables are we talking?"

"Well, I've got my side down to about two hundred of my closest friends and relatives."

"Two hundred! I don't even know two hund…"

"We can squeeze 10 per table so that's a.."

"A lot of alcohol. Do you have any plans at all for the wedding night?"

"Mum's still planning that."

"She's going to be there?"

"Sometimes they check on consummation status."

"What!"

Michelle smiled evilly. "I'm joking – grandma did it to her and she's always threatened. Oh, and fifty red envelopes."

"Fifty?"

"You're right, make it a hundred – you can never have too many red envelopes."

"You can't?"

"No, it's …"

"… tradition. I get it."

"Then tomorrow we need to look at that house near my parents place."

"I'm not sure we can afford that – you do realise I still have a student loan."

"I have a full time job – we'll make do."

"Does it have to be that close to your parents?"

Michelle gave him _that_ look.

"Tradition?"

"No – convenient baby sitting."

Jimmy sighed – this was completely out of his control. The sooner he acknowledged that, the happier he was going to be.

Michelle smiled brightly, "Thanks, you've been a big help." She planted a quick kiss on his cheek and raced back out the door in a blur. Shell shocked, Jimmy blinked a couple of times and wondered if he'd just dreamed the whole thing.

"Are you alright, Mr Palmer?" asked Ducky.

Jimmy had no idea how long Ducky had been standing there in his hat and coat watching him.

"Um yes – I think so."

"Your young lady orchestrating an occasion to remember is she?"

"She's planning a whole lifetime."

"I'd get used to that if I were you."

"I think you're right." Then a thought struck him. "Ah, Doctor," he started, hesitantly.

"Yes."

"Um, I was wondering if you could do me a favour."

"Anything, my boy – just ask."

"I need a, ah, best man and since you're the person I sort of see the most ..."

Ducky clapped him on the back. "I'd be delighted."

Jimmy heaved a sigh of relief.

"And it will so please mother."

"Why's that?"

"Well, if something happens to you, according to that tradition Miss Lee is so fond of, she has to marry me."

Jimmy laughed carelessly. "Oh I see."

"Yes, well don't take it too lightly," Ducky warned, "my mother is very keen for me to get married and even more keen on commandeering a prospective grandchild."

"But she wouldn't really…."

"Just check your car brakes each morning and you should be fine," Ducky assured him. "Oh and keep a look out for Corgi hair in unexpected places."


	6. A wedding fit for three

**_Warning - not for the faint hearted. Not highly rated, just a bit gross: because sometimes Jimmy is_.**

**Chapter 6 - A wedding fit for three.**

It had been eight months since Michelle had last said she was late and now she was late again. This time it was for her wedding.

Jimmy sat fidgeting nervously in the front row beside Ducky. Behind him, he was acutely aware that the crowd was growing restless. McGee, manning the video camera, finally sat down, tired of wasting footage on mindless conversation.

"She's probably just had to dash off to the loo," Ducky remarked.

"Maybe I should go see," Jimmy offered, leaping from his seat.

"Sit," Ducky commanded. "She'll be here any…in fact here she is now."

As he spoke, the music transformed seamlessly from elevator classics to a traditional bridal entry. Jimmy looked around and gasped. Heavily pregnant, Michelle had chosen a large hooped skirt to hide her burgeoning belly. As wedding preparations became more complicated and the time grew, so did her waistline. The dress had been expanded twice and now touched both aisles simultaneously. Making her way down the aisle, she resembled a magnificent ship guided through an impossibly narrow harbour by two flower-girl tug boats.

"Sorry I'm late," she whispered, docking beside him at the top of a small flight of stairs. "I was throwing up."

"That's OK, I've had stomach aches all day."

"Not like mine," she whispered back ominously. "Let's see if we can move this ceremony along."

* * *

It wasn't long before Jimmy realised that Michelle's responses were becoming increasingly laboured. It wasn't long again before he figured out why his sub conscious had chosen the word 'laboured' to describe her speech quality.

"Are you alright?" he whispered, urgently.

"Two minutes apart and closing," she gasped leaning hard on his arm. "I don't think I can keep standing up."

"We'll get you a chair," Jimmy offered as a sudden tidal wave of liquid gushed out from the bottom of Michelle's skirt.

The room plunged into silence apart from the steady dripping of some tardy amniotic drops down the stairs.

"Um, can someone call an ambulance," called Jimmy supporting Michelle's weight.

In the distance, he could hear McGee trying desperately to wipe out the last few seconds from the recording.

Jimmy gently lowered Michelle to the ground so that she was on all fours, panting like a dog. The crowded groaned and shrieked in horror as her hoop dress presented them with a graphic vista of proceedings. McGee stumbled into Tony, audibly vowing never to use the zoom function again.

Jimmy looked up. "Oh, sorry everyone."

Deftly picking up Michelle under her armpits, he pivoted her on her knees so she was facing the other way. Then he and Ducky got down behind Michelle to check on progress.

"I think we're crowning," said Ducky impressed. "Not many women could get through labour without so much as a.."

"Get us married," said Michelle between gritted teeth.

"Pardon?"

Michelle turned to the minister and glared at him. "Jimmy, me: married right now."

The minister hurriedly crouched before her head and went straight to the "I do's".

"We done now?" Michelle growled as another contraction hit.

The minister shoved a piece of paper in front of her. "Sign here and here." When she had finished, he passed the paper to Jimmy, Ducky and Michelle's best friend.

"Now?"

"Now," the minister confirmed.

Michelle gave an almighty push and a baby's head appeared.

Two ambulance men made their way down the aisle as Jimmy turned to the Minister. "Do you think you could do a christening as well," he asked. "You know, while we're here anyway? I mean we'd probably invited the same people."

"Not now Jimmy," Michelle yelled and gave a final push. Suddenly there was a baby in Jimmy's arms.

"It's a girl!" Jimmy announced.

The ambulance officers took over as sporadic applause propagated through the audience.

"Oh hold on," said Jimmy, slowly sliding the blood sodden garter from Michelle's upper thigh. "Anyone want to catch this?"

The crowed cringed as one and McGee cursed his decision to renew the recording.

"Do you want to be presented?" the Minister asked Michelle.

"Yes!" Michelle demanded.

"Yes?" Jimmy repeated in disbelief. Michelle nodded her head vigorously. "OK," he relented, helping her to her feet.

The minister cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present Mr James and Mrs Michelle Palmer."

The placenta dropped out from below Michelle and slithered its way down the stairs proving to be the last straw for some of the less hardy guests.

"Which reminds me," said Jimmy happily. "There's Jellyfish at the reception."

The minister looked at him stunned, and then continued. "Mr and Mrs Palmer and baby makes three."

* * *

End

* * *

Thanks for the reviews guys.


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